I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
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we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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