what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
