Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
