all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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