My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
