i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
