There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
