I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Dignity is for republicans.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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