I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
