dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
