She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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