My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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