Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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