My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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