I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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