u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
