How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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