i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
