I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
