Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
