He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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