my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
