I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
