She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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