Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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