I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
