Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
