my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
