Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
His hands were made for my vagina.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
