I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
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