dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
