Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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