...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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