wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
