five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize