You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
