a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
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It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
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It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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