Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
we're so committed to being not committed
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
