He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
