How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
