So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
