Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
