She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
