Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
