If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
