so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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