Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
