I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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