We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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