I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
