My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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