Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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