Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Randomize
