He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
that is very illegal...i love you.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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