You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
