I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
