I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
