my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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