Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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