So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
