I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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