for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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