my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
