Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
