Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
