it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
