We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
