My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
