Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she woke up with a sticky ear
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
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