I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
