i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
