We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
