She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
