I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
